Astros Stars Finally Address Cheating Scandal in Cringeworthy Public Event

Jim Crane: “Our opinion is that this didn’t impact the game. We had a good team and won the World Series and we’ll leave it at that.”
Reporter: “Jim, sign-stealing is a distinct advantage for the hitter so how is it that it ‘doesn’t affect competition’? So, what are you guys apologizing for?”
Crane: “We’re apologizing because we broke the rules.”
Reporter: “But isn’t sign-stealing a distinct advantage for the hitter so it would automatically impact competition?”
Crane: “It could possibly do that, and it could possibly not.”

The Houston Astros finally made public statements regarding their role in one of the most prolific cheating scandals in sports history, as Astros owner Jim Crane and stars the likes of Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa, Alex Bregman, George Springer, and Justin Verlander all addressed the sign-stealing scandal in one of the most bizarre public events you’ll ever see.

Crane appeared flustered, flabbergasted, and unprepared to tackle quick-hitting questions from the media, despite having months to prepare for the cat-calling.

Crane first told reporters that the illicit sign-stealing operation ‘didn’t impact the game’. The Astros, of course were proven to have used video replay tenants to decipher signs via a monitor near the Astros dugout, and then relay the signs to the hitters at the plate in real life using artificial noise makers. Although unproven, they were also connected to allegations that they used electronic 'buzzers', that would be taped to the body of a batter, and would vibrate to signal specific pitches.

Reporters quickly responded to Crane, asking him how it wasn’t a competitive advantage when they literally knew what pitches were coming. Crane was reluctant to admit it helped the hitter, and instead remarked that they were a ‘good team’ and ‘let’s leave it at that’.

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