Monopoly Falls Victim To Cancel Culture. What's Next Scrabble?


So, this week the makers of Monopoly sent out a release saying due to the fact some of the Community Chest cards may be offensive to some people they are changing them to appeal to the new “woke” generation. They've even created a promotion behind it (of course they did).

So let me get this straight. It's now gotten to the point that we’re firing pre-emptive strikes against the Karen’s and snowflakes who will attach a negative connotation to pieces of a board game just to demonstrate how they are far more advanced morally and intellectually than the rest of us? You gotta be dry shaving me. What’s next? Canceling Scrabble because the letters could possibly be used to spell words that might be perceived as offensive by people who aren't even playing the ________ game? God help us all.

When I read this a couple of things came to mind. The first being, who even plays Monopoly anymore? Nobody. And even when we did play the game, no one knew the rules. We’ve all experienced the pre-game fight about putting our fines in the center and the person who lands on Free Parking collects the pot. There was always that one jackwad who said “Free Parking is Free Parking and if you’re not going to play the game the right way I’m not going to play”. Whatever. But let's take it a step further shall we? I challenge you to name one single person who has ever finished a game of Monopoly. You can't because no one in the history of Monopoly has ever finished a game of Monopoly. Ever.

I also had to laugh at the irony of taking a game where the premise is based entirely on the acquisition and unequal distribution of wealth, whereby the "winner" is the one single person who swindles every other player out of their bankroll subsequently leaving them broke and penniless, and trying to make it seem “woke”. Think about it people. Think about it.

But having not played the game in years, I got a bit curious. Maybe I’m the one who is wrong. So I went back and looked at the Community Chest Cards and sure sh*t, if I applied the “values of the woke” to the game it became readily apparent how they could arrive at the conclusion it must be changed before society as we know it collapses upon itself. Read below and tell me if you agree.

All I can say is what I said before...God help us all.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: This article is what is known as sarcasm and it is written for humorous effect. If you found anything in this article to be offensive I've got 3 words for you - get over yourself.)