KB Releases His First Weekly Power Ranking of "Things"


It’s become a ritual in sports talk radio. Each week sports media outlets such as The Athletic and Bleacher Report release their NFL, NCAA, NBA, etc., power rankings and each week sports talk hosts yell at each other mercilessly about them. I would rather be strapped down in an uncomfortable chair and be forced to watch “Cats” with a drunk Joy Behar providing a scene by scene commentary than listen to that dreck.

Power Rankings are complete bullsh*t. They’re simply arbitrary opinions by people who claim to be experts. Very similar to mask and social distancing mandates set forth by local politicians. So from now on, every Monday I am going to release my “Weekly Power Ranking of Things”. A list of 10 random things ranked by me. People can agree, disagree with or ignore them. I couldn't care less. They're my rankings. So there.

10. Green Grapes.

I’m crushing about 3 pounds of these low-calorie and tasty little sugar bombs a week instead of junk food and loving every juicy bite.

9. Gas Prices

Under $2 a gallon for more than nine months now. Under $1 a gallon earlier in the year. Too bad we can’t f*cking go anywhere.

8. Bernard Purdie's drum track on Steely Dan's Kid Charlemagne

It’s not flashy. It just redefines the concept of the musical "pocket". Played underneath Larry Carlton’s lead guitar parts and Donald Fagan’s arpeggiated keyboards it is sublimely sublime.

Listen here: Kid Charlemagne

7. Costco Hot Dog Special 

It’s greasy and nasty and only $1.57 with a 20oz refillable soft drink. I’ll take 2 please. 

6. 24 Hour Deal or No Deal Channel on Pluto TV

 

What started out as a quest to see if Meghan Markle was really a case girl, quickly turned into a full-blown obsession. So I have to ask you, Deal.....or no deal?

5. Wint-o-Green Life Savers

Not Pep-o-Mint. Wint-o-Green. There's a difference. A big difference.

4. Private Jets 

I’ve only done it a couple times and now I never want to fly commercial again. 

3. Kwik-Trip

What began as a gas station that sold 39¢ a pound bananas and milk in a bag, has become nothing short of a cult. See you next time. Right Gitter?

2. The Shedd Aquarium Penguins 

If you haven’t watched Wellington and his mates stroll through the visitor-less aquarium on Instagram, you’ve missed the only good thing to come out of COVID.

1. Paulina Gretzky’s Instagram Feed 

Behold.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know on Twitter @OnAirKB

PHOTOS: Getty Images, Private Fly, Kwik-Trip