What better way to wind down Easter Sunday, the day Christians around the world celebrate the glory of their risen lord, than watching the long-awaited Tiger King Aftershow. To be perfectly honest, I was disappointed. It offered nothing. It didn't reveal any new information or tie up any loose ends. It was like being relegated to the ultimate “friend zone”. So much anticipation and none of the satisfaction.
That’s not to say it was a complete waste of time. Once you've come this far you might as well see it through to completion. So to prepare you for your viewing, I'm sharing my Top 10 Things I Learned while watching the Tiger King Aftershow.
- How the hell can all of these people afford Apple AirPods. I can’t even afford AirPods.
- It’s true. The first thing that does come up when you Google Jeff Lowe is “Jeff Lowe nanny” and rightfully so.
- Is John Reinke really driving stock cars without any legs and why is WIX sponsoring him?
- Apparently, the first stop after a worker leaves the zoo is a dentist.
- Joel McHale isn’t remotely entertaining.
- At MOST, a person should only be allowed to own one tiger and only for three days max.
- Is cub petting so enchanting a guy like Jeff Lowe can pull chicks like Lauren and the nanny, or is he “outsizing” the tigers? It has to be one or the other right?
- “Saff” is the only person in the history of the world who if given the chance to do it all over, would still have their arm ripped off by a tiger. That’s balls (even though she/he has none)
- Proclaimed heterosexual John Finlay’s tongue stud. Discuss.
- All “personal” zoos must be shut down permanently.
Bottom line, I'm glad it's over because now I can get on to knocking off multiple seasons of 90 Day Fiance, 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days and 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After.