Last night, as the United States teetered on the brink of a full-scale war, the #1 topic trending on Twitter was #JeopardyGOAT. In the interest of full transparency, I must admit my interest in Iran took a back seat to Jeopardy as well. Back seat? Who am I kidding? My interest was packed in a trailer and left in a driveway at a cabin up north. The only thing I cared about at 7PM CST was watching James Holzhauer, Ken Jennings and the third tenor compete for the title of “Who is the smartest man on earth?”
So what do we all do when we watch Jeopardy? We play along, right? Which is exactly what I did.
The first question out of the chute came from a category selected by Ken Jennings, The Totally Rad 1980’s. I got this I thought to myself.
I THOUGHT THIS MOVIE ABOUT OLYMPIC RUNNERS WOULD BE GRODY TO THE MAX BUT NOT EVEN! IT WON BEST PIC, & EVERYONE LOVES VANGELIS!
“What is Chariots of Fire?” I scream. NAILED IT! Take a suck of that Jennings. I’m the captain now. And that’s right where my streak ended. Save for knowing Mike Eruzione was the captain of the 1980 USA Hockey Team, Spicoli wore checkered Vans in Fast Times at Ridgemont High and correctly identifying a picture of a sandwich as a Sloppy Joe, I was shut out. Meanwhile, Holzhauer, Jennings and the third tenor ran the board. Had I actually been playing, I estimate I would have finished with about -$13,400.
Sure, over the rest of the night I pulled a couple out of my ass like “Who is Vincent Guaraldi?” and “What is sine qua non?” so I did feel a bit better about myself. Right up until the photo daily double.
IT’S THE ICONIC PIECE OF FURNITURE SEEN HERE
Me: “What is a chair?”
Yep. I’m the dumbest man on the planet.
PHOTO: Eric McCandless ABC