As we reel from the disappointing Wisconsin Badger loss in yesterday’s Rose Bowl, at least we can take solace in the fact the UW Band simply dropped the hammer on the Oregon Band. Game. Set. Match. End of Discussion. Do not even bring the subject up again lest you look like a complete idiot.
Let’s begin with the uniforms. The Oregon band showed up in what appears to be a uniform very similar to that of a retail store grocery cart pusher. It is almost as if Oregon got the Rose Bowl bid and said “Uh-oh. We’re gonna need a band and some uniforms. Let’s get the intern on that.” As you can see, they were obviously designed for comfort so as not to restrict movement when pedaling the stationary bike to power the blender making their Kale and Pine Cone smoothies.
Then there’s UW. Look at Bucky bringing some serious John Phillip Sousa sh*t to the party. Hats with plumes. Drumlines. Tight formations. A thousand brass instruments shaking the rocks off the cliffs of the San Gabriel Mountains. Now that's what you call a freaking marching band ladies and gentlemen.
And then there were the performances.
Oregon goes first and brings their tree-hugging personality to the field with renditions of “Change Your Evil Ways” and “Age of Aquarius”. Nice try kids. You even put up a valiant effort delivering your message of peace and hope in a formation that wasn't even a formation, but rather resembled a herd of green and yellow feral cats freed from the no-kill shelter. In fact, this performance was so bad you can’t even find a photo or video clip of it on the entire world wide web.
Then along comes Bucky. Storming the field in a big freaking military jet fighter formation, with a vapor trail no less, sweeping over the Rose Bowl like Maverick and Goose buzzing a Russian Mig Fighter. They follow it up with a seamless transition into a Navy Anchor and Marine Tank steamrolling every unsuspecting off-the-grid, tiny house dwelling, unkempt beard growing, sundress wearing hipster in their path. Boom. Hammer dropped.
Yeah, you won the game, but our band high-stepped all over your sorry a$$es. Now do us a favor. Disband the band and crawl back to the yute from which you came. If you need us, we’ll be doing keg stands on Langdon Street.
Photos: Getty Images