The TF-19 Flamethrower Drone-The Coolest Thing Man Should Own And Never Own

I don’t know what it is with drones, but much like the high five, no man can resist one when confronted by it. Now add flame throwing capabilities and we will sell our wife’s heirloom jewelry to buy a fleet of these bad boys. 

Introducing the TF-19 Flamethrower Drone. It is quite simply the most badass flying machine any man could ever own and no man should be allowed to own. It is a double-edged paradox wrapped in an enigmatic oxymoron with that can shoot 25 feet of flame for more than a minute, and it now holds down the number one spot on my Christmas Wish List. 

The promotional video shows the proper use of the TF-19 for clearing brush and annihilating hornets nests, but in reality all it does is get the male mind conjuring up countless other ways to use this subdivision war machine such as; burning old bank statements,removing decks and grilling brisket, just to name a few. 

If I close my eyes I can picture a garage full of suburban husbands in cargo shorts and untucked shirts at a subblock party talking about man things. I can almost hear the conversation now: 

“Got a new flamethrower drone” 

“What one didja get?” 

“The Throwflame TF-19” 

“No sh*t” 

“Yeah. Love it. Better than the old TF-17 I had. She’s got 25 feet of range and a minute and a half of flame duration. It’s got a 2 rail slider system that the 17 didn’t have which makes it a lot easier to operate and a real-time on board FPV camera too” 

“What’s that?” 

“I have no f***ing idea, but it’s pretty badass. Wanna take er for a spin?” 

“F*ck yeah I do” 

“Here put on this fluorescent vest” 

Then,before you can even say “DRACARYS”, Brad and Chad are scorching the neighbor’s utility shed as they power slam Black Cherry White Claws while their wives roll their eyes and discuss Abby Lane’s prison sentence on “Dance Moms”. 

Don’t believe me? Just check out the promotional video and if you don’t want one after the first 15 seconds you’re a p*ssy.

Retail price $1,499 and worth every penny.